Witty Quotes

If you want to relax or feel motivated all you need to do is sit on the couch with your feet up, switch on your laptop and read these witty quotes with a glass of lemonade in your hands. Believe me; it’ll help ease the tension away!

Witty Quotes

"It's better to be quotable than to be honest." - Tom Stoppard

"True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing." - Socrates

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." - Don Marquis

"I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly." - Oscar Wilde

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde

"Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival." - W. Edwards Deming

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." - Mark Twain

"I have nothing to declare except my genius." - Oscar Wilde

"A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad." - Bob Edwards

"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way." - Henny Youngman

"He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard." - Anonymous

"Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves." - Winston Churchill

"If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane." - Anonymous

"No pressure, no diamonds." - Mary Case

"Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance." - Anonymous

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller

"If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it." - Tom Lehrer

"Wine is bottled poetry." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt." - Samuel Johnson

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." - Dorothy Parker

"I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." - Don Marquis

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." - Dorothy Parker

"Democracy is the worst system devised by with of man, except for all the others." - Winston Churchill

"The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided." - Casey Stengal

"No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone; any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech." - Kin Hubbard

"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly." - Oscar Wilde

"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other." - Ann Landers

"Reality is the only word in the English language that should always be used in quotes." -Anonymous

"Some day my boat will come in, and with my luck I'll be at the airport." - Anonymous

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - George Burns

"Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with." - Bob Wells

"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor." - Joan Rivers

"I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes." - Oscar Wilde

"Better a witty fool than a foolish wit." - Shakespeare

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up." - Woody Allen

"Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion." - Ovid

"There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors." - Jim Morrison

"All jobs are easy to the person who doesn't have to do them." - Holt's Law

"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular." - Adlai Stevenson

"If you can't convince them, confuse them." - Harry S Truman