What is Marital Rape

Marital Rape is a sensitive and serious issue that has not always been discussed with openness. Marital Rape refers to any unwanted and undesired sexual act by a spouse or an ex spouse which is committed without consent or against the person’s will. The person’s consent may be obtained by force and the act may be committed through threat of force or intimidation or even when the person is not capable of consenting. The sexual acts committed may include intercourse or even oral sex and anal sex. Other acts involving forced sexual behavior and activities that are degrading, painful, unwanted and humiliating towards the victim are also included in these sexual acts. Marital abuse and marital rape is also called spousal rape and wife rape. Marital rape is particularly complicated because the sensitivity of marital relations may prevent identification of actual marital rape cases.

While rape on the whole often involves certain degrees of physical violence, in marital rape such violence may not be present and instead there may be coercion and some amount of force so as to control the victim. This in turn might stop women who suffer from marital abuse and rape to come forward and acknowledge the crime. Another huge problem that marital rape victims may face is that a one off instance of marital rape may occur and in that case the woman may not protest. Likewise some women who experience marital rape believe that they asked for it by putting themselves in a situation where such an experience occurred. Many other women tolerate it because marital abuse and rape has been silently accepted on previous occasions and they fear the situation affecting marital life. Marital abuse and rape may also be experienced in a period of marital separation. In fact studies indicate that cases of marital rape and abuse may be experienced during ending of the relationship or period of separation.

Marital rape includes violent rape where physical violence is used so as to cause injury to the victim. This may include assault, punching of the wife by the husband, forced sexual acts as a form of intimidation or humiliation. Force only rape is where force is used to control and hold the wife in a particular position so that she cannot defend herself. This kind of rape is particularly seen where there is a large contrast between the physical size and strength of the two individuals. Emotional abuse may also be used after which the victim may not know how to react when sex is forced. Sadistic rape includes not only rape but also acts designed to make the victim undergo further humiliation. What complicates the matter further is that there is not clear cut way of differentiating between the types of rapes. The psychological effects of marital rape are huge with many victims feeling not only humiliated and betrayed but many of them also experience deep guilt. Many victims are made to feel guilty because they are told that they did not fight their abuser and therefore it was not a real rape. Many women may not bear the obvious signs of physical abuse and in that case the fact that they were raped may not be acknowledged. Cohabiting with an abuser may cause victims to use unhealthy coping mechanisms to minimize the damage caused because of the abuse. Women experiencing marital rape may also feel guilty if they are brought up believing that they need to satisfy their husband’s physical needs at all cost. Healing after an experience of marital rape can take an inordinately long time because the abuser is someone one trusts and loves and so overcoming that trauma is often painful and a long drawn out process. 

The greatest problem with marital rape starts with defining it. Traditionally it seems it is difficult for society to fathom a man raping his wife. Therefore it is almost automatically presumed that the marriage wows do not somehow allow a woman to say no to sexual overtures from her husband. While dealing with marital rape and abuse individuals are often confused as to what is the most effective marital therapy approach. To prevent abuse and problems it is important that the couple is encouraged to seek solutions and resolutions of the conflict in ways that are mutually satisfying and healthy. Both partners in the marriage need to be able to have the freedom of setting their sexual limits and expressing them. Both the partners should be able to feel completely safe in expressing themselves. They should be able to communicate clearly and seek professional assistance where problems arise.