100 Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Confused? Dazed? Worried? Don't worry every many face a similar situation before getting married. Most people often wonder what are the questions that need to be asked before marriage. Read on to discover the top 100 questions you can ask your partner before you tie the knots.
Some wise man once said that "Love is Blind". The usual procedure is - we meet someone, then we fall in love with that someone, begin a relationship and eventually get married. However in this whole procedure, we usually do not find enough time to know and understand our partner.
Every couple getting wedded wants and hopes that their marriage will be happy and strong. For a successful marriage, relationship has to be worked upon continually.
There are many concerns and questions related to marriage, but many people evade them, or they are not taken into consideration. Compromises are natural. However how would you understand and accept it. Thus discussing all topics, from the onset to shun displeasure that may occur later is as important as getting married.
Do not be passive; give it your best, chances are your relationship will flourish organically.
When selecting a partner, there are plentiful issues which may lead to abrasion and clash. Following the rule that prevention is better than cure, it seems prudent to air these topics beforehand. Some of the topics and questions may seem insignificant or mundane, however they are important. All marriages have their peaks and valleys, but settling some of these matters may shun the surfacing of major, unsolvable issues and consequential heartburns.
The objective is to ascertain whether the two of you are like-minded.
Sometimes love just isn't enough to keep a couple together
Many couples forget to ask each other vital questions before marriage. Here are a few primary ones that couples should think about asking so that they do not be apologetic about their decision later.
Here are 100 questions you can ask before getting married:
- Children - Have we conversed whether or not to have children and the time frame in which we plan to extend the family? This is a vital question as mutual agreement on extending a family is as essential as starting one.
- Money Matters! - Do we understand each other's economical obligations and objectives and do our ideologies and habits about expenditures and saving are equivalent? Money is as important as rest of the things. Knowing about each other's financial status and also the future plans for maintaining a balance in the expenditures helps in smooth functioning of a happy marriage
- Domestic Chores - Have we discussed our outlooks for the way domestic chores will be managed? Varied people have varied interests. In marriage, more than often, one of the couples might like doing the domestic chores while other might not. Thus it's feasible to discuss this well in advance so as to avoid future conflicts.
- Medical History - Have we completely divulged our medical histories, both physical and mental to each other? Before starting a family, it's a right of both the couples to be well informed about the past ailments (physical or mental) in the family tree.
- Love and warmth - Will my partner love me to the extent that I expect? Expectations are a common thing in a marriage. To discuss the level of affection and warmth expected from your partner not only helps you deal with your expectations but also proves to avoid future divergence on these issues. When we do not expect, what comes in our hand is truly beautiful.
- Intimacy - Can we candidly at ease talk about our sexual requirements, inclinations and qualms? Physical intimacy is nothing but an extension of love between couples. It is significant to discuss about your needs and desires well in advance.
- Listen and Hear - Do we truthfully listen to each other and moderately consider one another's thoughts and grievances? Who wouldn't have complaints in life? Discussing the importance of not just listening but effectively hearing each others' ideas and thoughts is very crucial.
- Spirituality and Religion - Have we clearly understood each other's spiritual ideas and requirements? Religion and spirituality are two different things. One can be spiritual but not religious and vice versa. It is imperative to know what your partner's religious beliefs are so as to give him/her the required space and freedom for the same.
- Old Peers - Do we know, like and respect each other's friends? Before starting a new life, it is important that we inform our partner about our comrades. Beginning new relationships always implies that we need to accommodate space for the old ones to.
- In Laws' Qualms - Do we know the significance and respect each other's parents, and is either of us anxious about whether the parents will impede with the relationship? Almost all couples take a long time to adjust in the new family considering various factors like cultural differences and family habits etc. The golden rule remains to have a clear understanding between the two instead of brawling over lame ego issues regarding families.
- Family Issues - What does my family do that irks you? When too many heads get together there is bound to be some conflict with the generation gap between in laws and the prospective groom and bride. Thus it is imperative to clarify things which are of annoyance in each others' families.
- Egos - Are there some things that you and I are NOT geared up to give up in the marriage? Ego is a prime evil in a marriage. There may be habits, thoughts, and ideologies etc which need to be compromised. However there could be several things which you might not ever be able to compromise on. It is important to clarify this beforehand.
- Distance management - If one of us were to be presented a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we ready to move? Some might like mobility while others might not. It's important to discuss the feasibilities.
- Marriage - What is your concept of marriage? Marriage means different things to different people. Discussing its value will avoid leading its meaning to a bondage later on
- Goals - Classify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future. Goals are an important part of everyone's life. This will also help you introspect.
- Selection - Why have you selected me/other person as a prospective spouse? It always helps to tell your prospective spouse what is the reason behind selecting him/her.
- Husband's Responsibility - What is the role of the husband? Understanding and evaluating the responsibilities of a husband is crucial for the success of a happy marriage.
- Wife's Responsibilities - What is the role of the wife? While many responsibilities usually seem obvious, yet it is always recommended to identify each other's responsibilities and execute them efficiently.
- Future plans - Are you scheduling to have anyone in your family live with you in the future? Many people do not wish to trade their privacy with anything and anyone. Thus it is better to discuss any such future plans
- Leisure time - What are the things that you do in your free time? Whether or not your habits and interests match can be classified with the answer to this question.
- Being Social - Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment? Between a couple one can be an introvert while other can be an extrovert. The balance however has to be struck somewhere.
- Holidaying - How do you spend your vacations? Interests may vary here too largely so the right cord needs to be struck.
- Anger Management - How do you express anger? Anger ruins a lot of relationships. If one of the spouses is short tempered, it's important for the other to know about it.
- Dependency - Do you support the idea of a working wife? General mentality finds it difficult to accept working wives. Thus it is important to discuss this in advance.
- Family funds - If so, how do you think a twofold-income family should manage finances? In this era of recession where prices are going up but not the salaries, it is crucial to be clear about managing funds.
- Budget - Do you currently use a financial plan to manage your funds? Budget is something that is always of help as it helps you plan wisely.
- Financial Roles - Who are the people to whom you are monetarily responsible? This is as important for a wife to know as it is for a husband.
- Baby Care - Do you support the idea of employing baby sitters and/or maids? This is a part of domestic chores and must reach a common conclusion.
- Past Memories - Most of us have had some sort of past romantic links. It is very important to keep your partner informed about it to build faith. However, this can also be ducked if both of you collectively agree upon burying past memories and look towards a new life. A detail discussion would help regarding this.
- Recollections - How do you feel about ex relationships? Past should be buried once you plan to begin your present. Discussing openly about your past will help you build trust.
- Love for Kids - How do you feel about kids? Many people might like or not like kids. It is important to discuss this.
- Family planning - If you want kids, how many do you want? Family planning is surely important in the vast growing population today.
- Babysitting - Should one individual in a relationship stay at home with the kids? Children need time and attention from both the parents. Dividing roles is helpful here.
- Family Bonding - How do you feel about your family? Inquiring your rapport with your family will help your spouse understand you better.
- Understanding the new family - How do you feel about your spouse's family? To strike the chords perfectly is crucial that you inform your spouse about what are your views and inhibitions about your new family.
- Beliefs - How do you feel about people with attitudes that differ from yours? This will help you understand your spouse's nature better.
- Birth Control - How do you feel about birth control? This is as important as getting married.
- Birth Control Responsibilities - Whose responsibility is it? It is a mutual responsibility of both the partners.
- Loving Gestures - How do you show you love your spouse? Many like while others despise public display of affection. Thus discussing this beforehand will always be of help.
- Words of Love - How should your spouse show they love you? Sometimes a simple "I love you "can do wonders.
- Irking Habits - How do you react when your partner does something that puts you off? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction thus it is good if you discuss this.
- Dishonesty - Is it ever acceptable to lie to or deceive your partner? Dishonesty breaks many cords in a happy marriage.
- The D Day - Would you want a big wedding or a small one? Pomp and show is acceptable by many but few despise it. Discussing the ceremony celebrations would be of good help.
- Honeymoon Ideas - What's your idea of a perfect honeymoon? Romanticism has wide range of meaning for everyone. Discussing a perfect honeymoon destination will give you both a good quality time with each other in future.
- Pet Friendly - Do you like pets? Love for animal is common but also sometimes uncommon. Preference to have a pet at home or not should be decided mutually.
- Dress Codes - Do you think its fine to advise your partner what to do/wear/say? What we wear is our personal choice and preference.
- Political Views - Do you have strong political opinions? This should not be a matter of conflict in the future.
- Envy - Do you get envious? Being envious is a strong emotion. Many people are possessive in nature. Nonetheless it should not interfere with your partner's space.
- Jealous of? - Who do you get jealous of? What do you do about it? Some people get jealous of even a relative at times. So to be clear about this will always help.
- Opposite gender friendships - Is it acceptable for your spouse to have girl/boy friends? This needs tremendous understanding and faith in each other.
- Opposite gender visits - Would it be acceptable if your spouse has visitors at home from the opposite gender? This can be mutually decided before-hand to avoid future conflicts.
- Quality Time - How much time should couples spend together? Without barging into each others' space it is crucial for a couple to decide their priorities for spending quality time together.
- Priorities - Which comes first, work or a relationship? Priorities have to be set before starting a new life together.
- Unfaithfulness - How do you feel about unfaithfulness? This is a reason for most of the marriage failures. Thus should be thoroughly discussed.
- Appearance - Are my looks important to you? Love should accept you as you are. Thus in case your partner's looks bother you, it is recommended you keep him/ her informed about it.
- Respect for females - Do you respect women? A woman always find chivalry in almost everything in her life thus it is important for her to know whether or not she will see it in her husband too.
- Haunting Past - Ever had your heart wrecked? We all face heartburns. It's always good to ease your load by discussing this with your spouse.
- Existing Feelings - Do you still have feelings for your past girlfriend/ boyfriend? Many people find it difficult to forget their past. Discussing this at ease will not only give your spouse time to heal but also build in good faith.
- Future Quests - What would you do if one of them asked you back? Insecurity is bound to persist in such a situation. Thus clarifying your views on this will help you both.
- Movies and Fun - What kind of flicks do you like? Common interests should be known to each other.
- Exercise, fun or drag - What's your preferred thing to do on the weekends? How you spend weekends or like to spend time is as important as spending the weekdays
- Out-of-doors - How about outdoors? This might differ again as many people like to spend the time indoors.
- Fagging - Do you smoke? Smoking habits should be known to your spouse.
- Passive Smoking - How do you feel when other people smoke? One might or might not be okay with the idea of anyone smoking. Thus discussing it beforehand shall be helpful.
- Animal Lover or Eater - Do you eat meat? In an age where vegetarianism is the way of life adopted, it is important for you to know whether your being a non vegetarian would hurt the religious sentiments of your spouse.
- Love for Animals - Do you have sturdy feelings about animals? Love for animals needs to be accommodated for your spouse.
- Politics - Are you a political activist? Discussing political views, in case they are strong will always help you both.
- Reading - Do you like to read? Books can be as a good friend to someone while they can drive away someone too. Discussing this will help you explore your common interests with each other.
- Learning Meter - Do you like to learn? Learning new things is always a good habit.
- The Pits -What's your worst habit? We all have bad habits. Some of them might be intolerable for our partner. Discussing this will help you accommodate and improve these habits together.
- Alterations - If the need be what would you rather change about yourself? Change is constant in a marriage. So to make it happy, once has to constantly keep changing without losing your individuality.
- Changes - What do you want you could change about me? We all sometimes feel the need to change something in our spouse as per our needs. Discussing this will help you avoid future brawls.
- Best thing - What do you like best about me? Not only will this question help you know each other better but it also enhances the love in your relationship.
- I am the best - What is the best thing about you? Inside all of us are proud of something which we love about ourselves. Sharing it with your partner helps you polish the goodness.
- Distances improve love - Should couples spend time apart? To some, distances mean helping in increasing love while for others it might be plain torture. Thus, discuss!
- Like poles attract - Should spouses have all the similar hobbies? Having same hobbies can be both good and bad. At time it can create a perfect sync while at other it can bring conflicts.
- Secrecy - Do you keep secrets from your spouse? Secrecy and privacy are important part of any relationships. Proper space should be given to your spouse for him/ her to be able to trust you with his/ her secrets.
- Dealing with tough times - What would you do if I were in a damaging accident? Accidents can happen with anyone. To build trust, it is important to assure your spouse about the fact that you will always be there for him/her.
- Allergies - What are you allergic to? Common allergies should be made known to your spouse so that they can be taken care of in future.
- Fears - How about phobias? Telling your partner about your fears will not only help you identify them but also overcome them.
- Aim - What are your career goals? Same as identifying fears, it is important for you and your partner to know your goals so that he/ she can help you achieve them.
- Mobility - Do you move a lot? Mobility can be pleasing for some while displeasing for others. Thus, discuss your comfort level regarding the same.
- Residing - Which is preferable, the country, the city or the suburbs? Where you stay should definitely be a mutual decision.
- Native Place - Where did you grow up? This is helping you understand your partner's cultural backdrop.
- Territorial preferences - Do you like one part of the world/country best? Territorial preference can exist between couples. Discussing it mutually beforehand will help you both.
- Peers - Do you like my friends? Liking each others' friends is important as a part of social obligations which need to be fulfilled together.
- Peers' Views - Do your friends like me? Your friends' views about your spouse are as important.
- Basic Nature - Are you a shy person or an outgoing person? In order to strike common cords it is important to know whether your partner is an extrovert or an introvert.
- Perfect Date - What's your idea of the perfect date? How much quality time you spend together is as important as the way you spend it.
- Working on relationships - Do relationships require work? All relationships ideally require a lot of effort and working on. Making it known to your partner will enhance your relationship.
- Verdicts - How do you make decisions? Many take decisions instantly while others take too much time. Both are good options depending on the severity of the situation.
- Fight Fair - Are both of you able to "fight fair?" It's regular for couples to argue every now and then. However, it's a problem when your arguments aren't productive. When you have an incongruity with your partner, do you converse respectfully? Are the two of you able to reach a solution?
- True Love - Do you truthfully love each other? You need to be firm that both of you love each other. Regrettably, it's easy to confuse fascination and lust with love. Infatuation is more about being in love with the way someone makes you feel. True love happens gradually; it's about being dedicated and concerned for your partner's happiness.
- What the future beholds - How does your beloved see your future? This is a crucial question. Many people spend time with partners but do not want marriage. Even if you are in love, the other may have a different opinion about the future.
- Home sweet home - How does he/she want the home to be? This is a crucial question. Building a home together fills it with Love.
- Imagination of living together as husband & wife - Do you ever imagine something really blissful happening in your life and feels like you want to live another 100 years more? Do you picture the two of you living on a yacht and raising your kids while travelling the world? If you're city-slicker and he's a die-hard kampong boy then one of you is going to have to find the middle ground about where you live and the lifestyle you will lead and if so, you need to discuss whether it's a sacrifice that is just too great.
- Confidence - Do each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
- Inhibitions - Any Fears about Getting Married? It's perfectly natural to have fears and doubts about getting married. Often we worry that we may end up a clichéd married couple with, nothing to say to each other and no mystery and romance in our relationship. But talking through those fears with your partner is the best way to see whether they are any basis for concern
- Challenges - Are you ready mentally to face the challenges of married life together?
- Love - What does love mean to you? Love has endless meanings for everyone. Discussing what Love means to both of you will improve intimacy between the two of you.
Increasing Trust and Understanding Before marriage
The three prime powers for life are faith, hope and love. During the courtship phase for a couple these three are very sturdy. It is a time of deepened love because now the verdict to marry this particular person has been made. It is also a time of great optimism, not in the sense of an indistinct hope that everything will be okay, but rather in the wisdom of having something that is well worth living for.
Some of these questions are grave while some are not. However, all of them have the prospective to modify a relationship for good or bad. From petite things like what movies you like to watch or maybe how do you like to spend a Friday night to the bigger issues like children, career and religion. Being aware about your partner can assist you in deciding if you're right for each other and it will also help you envision the compromises that can or cannot be made.
Just remember - Marriage is not a permanent condition, it is a constant progression. A strong and happy couple will establish two, twenty, hundred different marriages with each other in the path of a lifetime pledge. After every couple of years the couple needs to STOP, and contemplate about how to make their marriage happier.