How to Cope With Infidelity

Commitment, trust, acceptance, validation and love are what make a marriage a wonderful partnership and because of this bond people want to stay together for better or for worse. However infidelity can shake the very foundations of this relationship since trust and commitment are annihilated in this event. The partner who is at the receiving end of an infidelity feels extremely violated and hopelessness, betrayal and anger are omnipresent. The self esteem of such an individual is pretty much shattered and the trust and love that once bound two people together is reduced to dust. Infidelity can tear apart even the most loving of all relationships and it’s very difficult to pick up the pieces and make the relationship work again. It takes a lot of time and consistent, committed effort on part of both individuals to mend a broken heart, cope with infidelity and recreate the lost magic in the relationship. Getting over infidelity is a long arduous task but with some help and support people can learn how to deal with infidelity effectively:

• To know that your partner has cheated on you can be among the worst of all heartaches. Everything that you believed in no longer stands true. You are overwhelmed with feelings of pain and betrayal. Wasn’t your partner supposed to love and honor you the way you loved and honored him/her" Why did this happen" When did it happen" Was there something you could have done to avoid this" Were there some problems in your relationship that you didn’t foresee" Did you push your partner to take this step" Was it your fault" Does that mean all those years you spent together were a waste" What do you do now" How do you cope with infidelity" The questions never seem to end and the worse part is that there is no answer that can ease the pain. Many people who are at the receiving end of an infidelity end up blaming themselves. This is more so in case of women with partners/spouses who have cheated. There are too many questions, too much anger and a desire to hurt back the partner the way you have been hurt. But of course that cannot be a solution. The best course of action after finding out about the infidelity is to acknowledge your feelings. It is only after working through your feelings that you can take a decision about the future course of action.
• Try not to do anything irrational because it won’t really help your cause. Instead you can talk to someone you trust. Rave and rant about your feelings as much as you want to. Punch a pillow, scream out loud in your room, and pour out your anguish in a diary. While you may have every right to blame your spouse/partner it will be a lot healthy and better for you if you can do that assertively and without indulging in screaming matches and fist fights. Better still write down all that you want to convey to your partner so that when the time comes you can let him/her know about your anguish, your pain and your decision.
• Giving each other some space can also help you better in getting over the infidelity. It will allow you to really understand all that has happened. You can then digest your emotions and decide on the future course of action.
• Women who have been staying at home are more likely to find coping with infidelity rather difficult as compared to women who have been working. Everything in the house is a reminder of a shared life and this makes it even more difficult for them to survive infidelity. Self esteem of most individuals with cheating partners/spouses is bound to hit rock bottom. Concentrating on your work if you are working or then talking to close friends about your feelings and taking professional help can allow you to cope with infidelity and the crisis in a better way. Physical exertion can help to recover from feelings of depression. Go for long walks or work out at the local gym.
• If the partner who has cheated is sincere enough then you can choose to work together with the help of a therapist. However allow yourself considerable time before you make that decision. In the meantime work on yourself, on reclaiming yourself and on re-loving yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, do all the things that give you joy and identify if you have any issues and work on them. All the confounding emotions that you are feeling are not likely to just go away overnight so give yourself a lot of time to heal. And don’t be judgmental or overtly critical about yourself. Everything that you are feeling is extremely normal.
• Eat well and pay attention to your sleeping habits and your health. Along with your emotions and your mind your body will also be thrown off balance because of the events. You may find yourself crying often or even for no particular reason. Allow yourself the time to grieve.
• When you feel you are ready ask your spouse/partner all the questions that you feel are important and that you need to know. Be prepared for the possibility that the answers may not satisfy you. In some cases there may be no logical reasons for infidelity. Dealing with infidelity may require that you accept the answers. For your own peace of mind you cannot torment yourself about the circumstances surrounding the act of infidelity.
• Don’t think and worry too much about the future. Take it one step and one day at a time. Get yourself and your partner tested for AIDS/HIV and also STD’s when you decide to resume sexual intimacy.
• Problems between the parents cannot really be kept hidden from the children for long. So do talk to your children and try to be honest with them without getting into too many details. Assure them that you and your spouse will be there for the children but do not make any commitments about the future unless you are absolutely sure.
• If you decide to take some tough decision such as divorcing the cheating partner then ensure that all your finances and other details are in place. If you decide to work on the relationship then remember you wont see results overnight.